Has Monogamy made us Insecure?
Monogamy- being sexually exclusive with one person at one period of time. A committed relationship or marriage with one partner.
Insecure- feelings of personal lack of confidence. Need for validation from others. Lack of Self-esteem that usually can’t be combated until a human recognizes their own worth.
Culturally, we have been given this notion that to be happy one must have a meaningful relationship, be present in a partnership and give their all to cultivate a marriage, family and home. Your significant other is projected to allegedly be your protector, your friend, your supporter, your reason, your 50 to your 100, your everything- beginning and end. Whew Chile!!! Your poor spouse. Hell, poor you. You need too much. One person won’t have it all. Is that expectation even reasonable?
With all the changes in our ideas of what a relationship looks like, what a partner looks like, what a family looks like monogamy is feeling like more of a past idea, but people are still reluctant to accept that shit changes. Monogamy is no longer the focus in society. Life style groups have been on the rise and as millennials redefine what a healthy relationship looks like, couples actively seeking a person to join them in bed is more common than ever.
Ayesha Curry is a prime example of what too much monogamy looks like. In my most humble opinion; she is bored and has no variety in her life. She craves the attention of those outside her marriage simply because it is not giving her all that she needs. Rich. Successful. Family. Husband. I am sure she has friends; But she still would like to know that other men find her sexy, people find her likeable and women find her relatable. This is not to say that she is in a bad marriage. It is not that "she needs dick. (some of y'all operate on ashy for that). She needs fulfillment outside her marriage. She needs friends who hype her up and support her #HottGirlSummer. She needs to be something other than a mother and wife because she is finding out that she needs more. This does not mean she wants another man. I love the video of her at the carnival. She is every girl at the State Fair of Texas with bae, but bae be on some shady ass shit. She needed bae to indulge in her bullshit because she was calling him out for that “D” He too busy acting butt hurt about their position in the finals to indulge. IMO: That’s why the fucking lost! He was so tense, he needed to laugh, he needed to relax, he needed to decompress and be present. I am no expert, but I am often super detached; it looks very much like that. He’s been there (FINALS) 6 times. Boy act like a regular. Maybe he was salty about her other buzz moment. Either way I am speaking as a woman when I say monogamy needs to include more.
Truth is; You are not at all capable of giving all the shit that you require of a mate. If you require anything. Some require nothing so that’s what they get but… Another book.
To be someones all is a lot of work, it is too much since we are asking me. I, for one, will be completely honest, I don’t even care, I think that since I can’t get all those things from 1 person, then I am ok with creating a collective of mates who embody each thing I require in a different form.
Monogamy is an idea that sounds really nice if you ignore the human nature in us all. Variety is a part of our nature, polyamory is a part of our nature. When we suppress the need we have for variety, we start to suppress portions of ourselves. As a result, we become unsure of what we want and conform to societal views. We become insecure because we are no longer sure that we are seen outside of our 1 partner. Shit, sometimes after a while, we feel like we are no longer seen by our partner. It snowballs.
Let me put it another way. If you have multiple relationships that fulfill you, then you are already not monogamous in the platonic sense. You are more or less involved in the act of poly amor. Multiple loves for multiple people for multiple varying reasons. Each person you encounter gives you something you need. Maybe your new hommie can draw and you need art work, or your bae is super when it’s time to be a “yes man”. We all have a set of friends and that set usually includes the fun one, the mean one, the happy one, the friendly one and the petty one, all are smart and talented, but their personalities are expressed to us differently. We know which party to call at each step in our journey. And sometimes we call them all.
I am not sure that I agree that humans were meant to be monogamous. I understand it, but realistically I don’t prefer it. Change my mind.