We all have a role in this and you keep forgetting yours...
I am no therapist, but I have my experiences and from them I share this with you.
Sexual fulfillment is only a point. It’s a destination on a journey. Points can easily be muted by a collective of bullshit that work counter productively against your intended cumming. What do I mean? Sometimes there are not enough erogenous zones, foreplay, and seduction to get past things like broke, dumb as dirt, communication barriers, resentment and boredom… just to name a few. For women anyway. I wonder if men ever stop and say, “She has no 401K, no deeds and no future- I’m not doing that.” Probably not because their dicks will likely get hard if the same woman has a knife to his throat and balls in her hand. Dicks just don’t work like pussies do.
For a woman, IT ALL STARTS IN HER MIND!!! You have to seduce her there and her body gets obedient. Problem is a woman is delicate in her expression of sexuality in a way that does not allow her to get aroused if things are undone. She is a sort of preoccupied and annoyed.
This shit is gospel so wave it off if you please, take it from me; she is not that interested in sucking your lil dick when you can’t even do the basics and get her something to eat. That pussy hit different when bills are paid, and responsibilities are handled. It hit even better when you are the man or woman behind taking care of business. People have needs that are basic and must be fulfilled past that. To give of themselves, it is a necessity that basics are met.
The next time your partner won't give you none, think about them. Think about your interactions with them and try to be mindful of your role in it all. Are you a submissive, a Dom, a top, a bottom, switch? Hedonist, Masochist, sadist, all of it? Is your partner? Do they trust you to be what you are? Do you trust them? Ask yourself and them, 'Am I the King/Queen or Am I the Fun? It matters. It really do.
I think that sometimes people forget that a relationship, especially a sexual one, isn't all about them and isn't all about what they want. For it to be mutually fulfilling we have to address our partners' needs as well. Simply put, "are you making any contributions to the things your partner needs so that they can feel comfortable enough to express their most sexual selves with you?"
In basics, I think it is important to remember that collectively- people need food, water, shelter, love and protection; in theory that is it, but in reality, the way these things are expressed, and the avenue of that expression not only varies but is also quite fucking important to existing in another person’s realm. Love languages transfer to the bedroom as well SO KNOW WHICH ONE TO SPEAK TO YOUR PARTNER OR PARTNERS IN.
Even though it is a cute idea, All relationships are not based in love. Some are based on survival, abuse, obligation, etc., with that in mind, remember that lust drives people many times, it is primal. Be open enough to know you and your partners role in your relationships, be dedicated enough to fulfill it and communicate when you run into smoke.